The Cow Theory of Economics

Topics: Capitalism, Cattle, Economics Pages: 2 (708 words) Published: April 16, 2013
The Cow Theory of Economics
Cow theory is a well-established tool for understanding basic economic concepts. There are many variations of this theory on the Internet. Here are some new ones. Here is the hypothetical situation: Your neighbor has 3 cows, you have one cow. How do different economic systems deal with this situation? Communism: The government takes two cows away from your neighbor and sends them into orbit to prove the communist system is better. Your neighbor is sent to Siberia for being a landowner. You are sent to Siberia for being a troublemaker. The capitalists, shocked about the orbiting cows, are spurred into action and land cows on the moon a few years later. Your economy cannot compete and dissolves into chaos. Fascism: Your neighbor is shot for not having the proper papers for his cows. All four cows are taken away and forced to work in a slave labor camp making missiles. You are then shot for not having any cows. Socialism: The government takes one cow from your neighbor and gives it to you. Then it takes one cow from each of you in taxes. The two cows are given to poor people, who require continuous government handouts to keep their cows from starving. The government continually raises taxes. Eventually both you and your neighbor are forced to sell your remaining cows to pay the taxes. American capitalism: The person with 3 cows becomes rich by renting one of his cows to you. Then he takes his cow back and uses the profit to buy your cow from you, leaving him with 4 cows and you with none. European capitalism: The government discovers that cows cause global warming and you are forced sell your cow to pay for expensive emission control devices. There is no market for cows. It is considered gauche to eat beef, and killing a cow is considered a form of genocide. Your neighbor is tried in the International Criminal Court for running a cow slavery ring. The government sets limits on the number of cows it can have, then exceeds them. Chinese...
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